This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too muchspare time or is deadly at Scrabble.(Wait till you see the last one)!
When you rearrange the letters:
DILIP VENGSARKAR SPARKLING DRIVE
PRINCESS DIANA END IS A CAR SPIN
MONICA LEWINSKY NICE SILKY WOMAN
DORMITORY: DIRTY ROOM
ASTRONOMER: MOON STARER
THE EYES: THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH: HE BUGS GORE
SLOT MACHINES: CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY : IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT: IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW: WOMAN HITLER
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Why people leave organisation: (article by Azim Premji)
Why people leave organisation: (article by Azim Premji)
Every company faces the problem of people leaving the company for better pay or profile.Early this year, Mark, a senior software designer, got an offer from a prestigious international firm to work in its India operations developing specialized software. He was thrilled by the offer.
He had heard a lot about the CEO. The salary was great. The company had all the right systems in place employee-friendly human resources, (HR) policies, a spanking new office, and the very best technology, even a canteen that served superb food.Twice Mark was sent abroad for training. "My learning curve is the sharpest it's ever been," he said soon after he joined.Last week, less than eight months after he joined, Mark walked out of the job.
Why did this talented employee leave?Arun quit for the same reason that drives many good people away.The answer lies in one of the largest studies undertaken by the Gallup Organization. The study surveyed over a million employees and 80,000 managers and was published in a book called "First Break All: The Rules".
It came up with this surprising finding:If you're losing good people, look to their manager ...., manager is the reason people stay and thrive in an organization. And he's the reason why people leave. When people leave they take knowledge, experience and contacts with them, straight to the competition."People leave managers not companies," write the authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman.Mostly manager drives people away!HR experts say that of all the abuses, employees find humiliation the most intolerable.
The first time, an employee may not leave, but a thought has been planted.
The second time, that thought gets strengthened.
The third time, he looks for another job.
When people cannot retort openly in anger, they do so by passive aggression. By digging their heels in and slowing down. By doing only what they are told to do and no more. By omitting to give the boss crucial information.
Dev says: "If you work for a jerk, you basically want to get him into trouble. You don 't have your heart and soul in the job."Different managers can stress out employees in different ways - by being too controlling, too suspicious, too pushy, too critical, but they forget that workers are not fixed assets, they are free agents.When this goes on too long, an employee will quit - often over a trivial issue.
- Azim Premji, CEO- Wipro
Every company faces the problem of people leaving the company for better pay or profile.Early this year, Mark, a senior software designer, got an offer from a prestigious international firm to work in its India operations developing specialized software. He was thrilled by the offer.
He had heard a lot about the CEO. The salary was great. The company had all the right systems in place employee-friendly human resources, (HR) policies, a spanking new office, and the very best technology, even a canteen that served superb food.Twice Mark was sent abroad for training. "My learning curve is the sharpest it's ever been," he said soon after he joined.Last week, less than eight months after he joined, Mark walked out of the job.
Why did this talented employee leave?Arun quit for the same reason that drives many good people away.The answer lies in one of the largest studies undertaken by the Gallup Organization. The study surveyed over a million employees and 80,000 managers and was published in a book called "First Break All: The Rules".
It came up with this surprising finding:If you're losing good people, look to their manager ...., manager is the reason people stay and thrive in an organization. And he's the reason why people leave. When people leave they take knowledge, experience and contacts with them, straight to the competition."People leave managers not companies," write the authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman.Mostly manager drives people away!HR experts say that of all the abuses, employees find humiliation the most intolerable.
The first time, an employee may not leave, but a thought has been planted.
The second time, that thought gets strengthened.
The third time, he looks for another job.
When people cannot retort openly in anger, they do so by passive aggression. By digging their heels in and slowing down. By doing only what they are told to do and no more. By omitting to give the boss crucial information.
Dev says: "If you work for a jerk, you basically want to get him into trouble. You don 't have your heart and soul in the job."Different managers can stress out employees in different ways - by being too controlling, too suspicious, too pushy, too critical, but they forget that workers are not fixed assets, they are free agents.When this goes on too long, an employee will quit - often over a trivial issue.
- Azim Premji, CEO- Wipro
Mail Assignments
See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common.......
Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Voodoo
Assess
Answer:
In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out?
Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Voodoo
Assess
Answer:
In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out?
Chanakya Neethi
"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and Honest people are screwed first."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC 75 BC) ***************************************************
"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. ! It will destroy you."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman." Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Whores don't live in company of poor men, citizens never support a weak company and birds don't build nests on a tree that doesn't bear fruits."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
***************************************************
"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple." Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)**************************************************
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere.
Education beats the beauty and the youth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC 75 BC) ***************************************************
"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"The biggest guru-mantra is: Never share your secrets with anybody. ! It will destroy you."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman." Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Whores don't live in company of poor men, citizens never support a weak company and birds don't build nests on a tree that doesn't bear fruits."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
***************************************************
"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple." Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)**************************************************
"A man is great by deeds, not by birth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)***************************************************
"Education is the best friend. An educated person is respected everywhere.
Education beats the beauty and the youth."
Chanakya quotes (Indian politician, strategist and writer, 350 BC-275 BC)
Jokes
Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives. 1st: How yours look like? 2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours? 1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend to death. Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
**********
What is the definition of Mistress? Someone between the Mister and Mattress
**********
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE?? "Without Information Fighting Everytime" Wife replies," No, It means , "With Idiot For Ever!!!"
**********
Three Feelings: What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period? Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ??? No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!
**********
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex. Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know. Mother Faints...
--
Oniomania is another word for the urge to shop till you drop, habit of the debit, thrill of the bill. According to a pearl of ancient wisdom, we don't acquire things, things acquire us. In the case of oniomaniacs, it is perhaps the fun of acquiring things that acquires them.
The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.
The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.
Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things... While the women STUCK to shopping.....
CORPORATE LESSON # 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up hershower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing overwhich one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up,quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When sheopens the door,there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 just to dropthat towel that you have on". After thinking for a moment, the womandrops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. Bob has a close lookat her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back upin the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom,her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
MORAL OF THE STORY:Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to preventavoidable exposure!
CORPORATE LESSON # 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road; hestopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got inand crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveala lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. Aftercontrolling the car,he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him andimmediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely.
He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to removehis eyes from her leg.
Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her legagain. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glanceand went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushedto retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said," Go forth andseek; further up, you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great Opportunities!
CORPORATE LESSON # 3
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEOstanding in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand."Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and importantdocument and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on,inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared insidethe machine." I just need one copy."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.
CORPORATE LESSON # 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and aFrench, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed thebottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him outof the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I willgive each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, youshout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish willcome true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped andshouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. TheFrenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" andimmersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was socontented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool whensuddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool andshouted, "SH**!!!!!!!………"
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Mind your language, you never Know what it will land you in.
"I simply want a raise in my salary", says an employee to his boss "There are two more companies after me."
The boss says"Oh, I see there are two more companies after you.
May I please have the pleasure of knowing the names of these companies."
Pleadingly the employee replies" the electric company and the telephone company".
A wife woke of the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement.After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing."Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much."Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?""Yes, of course," she replied."Well, I would have been released tonight."
There were three men: one from Ohio, one from Virginia and one from West Virginia. They all took their wives to dinner for their anniversary.The man from Ohio said, "Pass the honey, honey."The man from Virgina said, "Pass the sugar, sugar."And the man from West Virgina said, "Pass the tea, bag!!"
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name.
"Why is a bachelor skinny and a married man fat?A: The bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator and goes to bed. The married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
Non Veg
1. College mein chemistry ka lecture chal raha tha. Teacher ne ek ladki se poocha, What are nitrates? Ladki sharmate hue boli-Sir they are costlier than day rates!
2. Man trying to avoid doc fee after eye operation says he can't see.Doctor asks a sxy nurse to undress in front of him. He again says, I can't see.Doc asks nurse to open her legs. Again he says I can't see. Doc replied- M****c**d toh L**d Kaise khada ho gaya..?
3. Ek teacher classroom mein bachon ko daantey hue bola 'Mein jab naram hota hoon toh bahut naram hota hoon aur jab sakhat hota hoon toh bahut sakhat hota hoon.'
Ek bachey ne jawab diya'Sir aap toh bilkul mere L**d jaise ho'!
4.Ques:Why do girls put on weight after losing VIRGINITY?Ans: Beacuse every Banana contains 108 Calories.....!!!
5. A man keeps his new born son's name Pakistan. Why?Taaki mein duniya ko bata sakun ki mein roj Pakistan ki maa ch**ta hoon.Jai Hind!
6. A man sees a girl wearing T shirt which reads HANDLE WITH CARE. Next day he wears a jeans which says CANDLE WITH HAIR.
7. Mother ask daughter. How is your married life? Daughter shyly showsher British Airways Ad. Mother reads the Ad and is shocked. It said-7days a week, twice a day, Bothways!
8. Samundar kinare baithe hain,lehar kabhi to aayegi, kismat badle nabadle ....G***D TOH DHUL JAYEGI !
**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend to death. Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
**********
What is the definition of Mistress? Someone between the Mister and Mattress
**********
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE?? "Without Information Fighting Everytime" Wife replies," No, It means , "With Idiot For Ever!!!"
**********
Three Feelings: What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.
**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period? Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ??? No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!
**********
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex. Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know. Mother Faints...
--
Oniomania is another word for the urge to shop till you drop, habit of the debit, thrill of the bill. According to a pearl of ancient wisdom, we don't acquire things, things acquire us. In the case of oniomaniacs, it is perhaps the fun of acquiring things that acquires them.
The man discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
The woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
The man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
The woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.
The man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
The woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.
The man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
The woman discovered LOVE and invented LOVE TRIANGLES.
The man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
The woman discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.
Thereafter man has discovered and invented a lot of things... While the women STUCK to shopping.....
CORPORATE LESSON # 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up hershower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing overwhich one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up,quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When sheopens the door,there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 just to dropthat towel that you have on". After thinking for a moment, the womandrops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. Bob has a close lookat her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back upin the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom,her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
MORAL OF THE STORY:Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to preventavoidable exposure!
CORPORATE LESSON # 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road; hestopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got inand crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveala lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. Aftercontrolling the car,he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him andimmediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely.
He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to removehis eyes from her leg.
Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her legagain. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glanceand went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushedto retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said," Go forth andseek; further up, you will find glory."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great Opportunities!
CORPORATE LESSON # 3
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the CEOstanding in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand."Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and importantdocument and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned the machine on,inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared insidethe machine." I just need one copy."
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.
CORPORATE LESSON # 4
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and aFrench, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed thebottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him outof the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I willgive each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, youshout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish willcome true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped andshouted WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. TheFrenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" andimmersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was socontented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool whensuddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool andshouted, "SH**!!!!!!!………"
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Mind your language, you never Know what it will land you in.
"I simply want a raise in my salary", says an employee to his boss "There are two more companies after me."
The boss says"Oh, I see there are two more companies after you.
May I please have the pleasure of knowing the names of these companies."
Pleadingly the employee replies" the electric company and the telephone company".
A wife woke of the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement.After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing."Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much."Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?""Yes, of course," she replied."Well, I would have been released tonight."
There were three men: one from Ohio, one from Virginia and one from West Virginia. They all took their wives to dinner for their anniversary.The man from Ohio said, "Pass the honey, honey."The man from Virgina said, "Pass the sugar, sugar."And the man from West Virgina said, "Pass the tea, bag!!"
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name.
"Why is a bachelor skinny and a married man fat?A: The bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator and goes to bed. The married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
Non Veg
1. College mein chemistry ka lecture chal raha tha. Teacher ne ek ladki se poocha, What are nitrates? Ladki sharmate hue boli-Sir they are costlier than day rates!
2. Man trying to avoid doc fee after eye operation says he can't see.Doctor asks a sxy nurse to undress in front of him. He again says, I can't see.Doc asks nurse to open her legs. Again he says I can't see. Doc replied- M****c**d toh L**d Kaise khada ho gaya..?
3. Ek teacher classroom mein bachon ko daantey hue bola 'Mein jab naram hota hoon toh bahut naram hota hoon aur jab sakhat hota hoon toh bahut sakhat hota hoon.'
Ek bachey ne jawab diya'Sir aap toh bilkul mere L**d jaise ho'!
4.Ques:Why do girls put on weight after losing VIRGINITY?Ans: Beacuse every Banana contains 108 Calories.....!!!
5. A man keeps his new born son's name Pakistan. Why?Taaki mein duniya ko bata sakun ki mein roj Pakistan ki maa ch**ta hoon.Jai Hind!
6. A man sees a girl wearing T shirt which reads HANDLE WITH CARE. Next day he wears a jeans which says CANDLE WITH HAIR.
7. Mother ask daughter. How is your married life? Daughter shyly showsher British Airways Ad. Mother reads the Ad and is shocked. It said-7days a week, twice a day, Bothways!
8. Samundar kinare baithe hain,lehar kabhi to aayegi, kismat badle nabadle ....G***D TOH DHUL JAYEGI !
A husband wrote a letter:
"My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that your 54 yearold body can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I value youas a good wife. Therefore after reading this letter, I hope that you willnot wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening withmy 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't beperturbed - I shall be back home before midnight."
When he came home, he found the following letter on the dining roomtable:
"My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty. I would like totake this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old.Atthe same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, my tennis coach who, like yoursecretary, is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and withyour excellentknowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the samesituation,although with one small difference:
18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Amazing Facts...About Honeybees
1. Did you know that bees have 4 wings?
2. The honeybee's wings stroke 11,400 times per minute, thus making their distinctive buzz.
3. A bee flies at a rate of about 12 miles per hour.
4. How many eyes does a honeybee have? Five.
5. The queen bee is the busiest in the summer months, when the hive needs to be at its maximum strength. She will lay about 1,000 to 1,500 eggs per day.
6. In the cold winter months, bees will leave the hive only to take a short cleansing flight. They are fastidious about the cleanliness of their hive.
7. Honeybees do not die out over the winter. They feed on the honey they collected during the warmer months and patiently wait for spring. They form a tight cluster in their hive to keep the queen and themselves warm.
8. It takes 35 pounds of honey to provide enough energy for a small colony of bees to survive the winter.
9. Honeybee colonies have unique odors that members flash like identification cards at the hive's front door. All the individual bees in a colony smell enough alike so that the guard bees can identify them.
Amazing Facts...About The Work of the Honeybee
1. The honeybee is not born knowing how to make honey; the younger bees are taught by the more experienced ones.
2. A honeybee visits between 50 and 100 flowers during one collection flight from the hive.
3. In order to produce 1 pound of honey, 2 million flowers must be visited.
4. A hive of bees must fly 55,000 miles to produce a pound of honey.
5. One bee colony can produce 60 to 100 pounds of honey per year.
6. An average worker bee makes only about 1/12 teaspoon of honey in its lifetime.
7. At the peak of the honey-gathering season, a strong, healthy hive will have a population of approximately 50,000 bees.
8. It would take approximately 1 ounce of honey to fuel a bee's flight around the world.
9. Honey is the primary food source for the bee. The reason honeybees are so busy collecting nectar from flowers and blossoms is to make sufficient food stores for their colony over the winter months. The nectar is converted to honey by the honeybee and stored in the wax honeycomb.
Amazing Facts...About Honey and Your Health
1. Honey contains vitamins and antioxidants, but is fat free, cholesterol free and sodium free!
2. One antioxidant called "pinocembrin" is only found in honey.
3. Honey is the only food that includes all the substances necessary to sustain life, including water.
4. Honey has the ability to attract and absorb moisture, which makes it remarkably soothing for minor burns and helps to prevent scarring.
5. Honey speeds the healing of open wounds and also combats infection.
6. As recently as the First World War, honey was being mixed with cod liver oil to dress wounds on the battlefield.
7. Modern science now acknowledges honey as an anti-microbial agent, which means it deters the growth of certain types of bacteria, yeast and molds.
8. Honey and beeswax form the basics of many skin creams, lip-balms, and hand lotions.
9. According to Dr. Paul Gold, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia, "people remember things much better after they've consumed glucose, a form of sugar found in honey."
10. Honey is nature's energy booster! It provides a concentrated energy source that helps prevent fatigue and can boost athletic performance.
11. Recent studies have proven that athletes who took some honey before and after competing recovered more quickly than those who did not.
12. Honey supplies 2 stages of energy. The glucose in honey is absorbed by the body quickly and gives an immediate energy boost. The fructose is absorbed more slowly providing sustained energy.
1. Did you know that bees have 4 wings?
2. The honeybee's wings stroke 11,400 times per minute, thus making their distinctive buzz.
3. A bee flies at a rate of about 12 miles per hour.
4. How many eyes does a honeybee have? Five.
5. The queen bee is the busiest in the summer months, when the hive needs to be at its maximum strength. She will lay about 1,000 to 1,500 eggs per day.
6. In the cold winter months, bees will leave the hive only to take a short cleansing flight. They are fastidious about the cleanliness of their hive.
7. Honeybees do not die out over the winter. They feed on the honey they collected during the warmer months and patiently wait for spring. They form a tight cluster in their hive to keep the queen and themselves warm.
8. It takes 35 pounds of honey to provide enough energy for a small colony of bees to survive the winter.
9. Honeybee colonies have unique odors that members flash like identification cards at the hive's front door. All the individual bees in a colony smell enough alike so that the guard bees can identify them.
Amazing Facts...About The Work of the Honeybee
1. The honeybee is not born knowing how to make honey; the younger bees are taught by the more experienced ones.
2. A honeybee visits between 50 and 100 flowers during one collection flight from the hive.
3. In order to produce 1 pound of honey, 2 million flowers must be visited.
4. A hive of bees must fly 55,000 miles to produce a pound of honey.
5. One bee colony can produce 60 to 100 pounds of honey per year.
6. An average worker bee makes only about 1/12 teaspoon of honey in its lifetime.
7. At the peak of the honey-gathering season, a strong, healthy hive will have a population of approximately 50,000 bees.
8. It would take approximately 1 ounce of honey to fuel a bee's flight around the world.
9. Honey is the primary food source for the bee. The reason honeybees are so busy collecting nectar from flowers and blossoms is to make sufficient food stores for their colony over the winter months. The nectar is converted to honey by the honeybee and stored in the wax honeycomb.
Amazing Facts...About Honey and Your Health
1. Honey contains vitamins and antioxidants, but is fat free, cholesterol free and sodium free!
2. One antioxidant called "pinocembrin" is only found in honey.
3. Honey is the only food that includes all the substances necessary to sustain life, including water.
4. Honey has the ability to attract and absorb moisture, which makes it remarkably soothing for minor burns and helps to prevent scarring.
5. Honey speeds the healing of open wounds and also combats infection.
6. As recently as the First World War, honey was being mixed with cod liver oil to dress wounds on the battlefield.
7. Modern science now acknowledges honey as an anti-microbial agent, which means it deters the growth of certain types of bacteria, yeast and molds.
8. Honey and beeswax form the basics of many skin creams, lip-balms, and hand lotions.
9. According to Dr. Paul Gold, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia, "people remember things much better after they've consumed glucose, a form of sugar found in honey."
10. Honey is nature's energy booster! It provides a concentrated energy source that helps prevent fatigue and can boost athletic performance.
11. Recent studies have proven that athletes who took some honey before and after competing recovered more quickly than those who did not.
12. Honey supplies 2 stages of energy. The glucose in honey is absorbed by the body quickly and gives an immediate energy boost. The fructose is absorbed more slowly providing sustained energy.
Monday, December 8, 2008
A winner is NOT one who NEVER FAILS......but one who NEVER QUITS!!!"
Need proof? Read on...
Officials rejected a candidate for a news broadcasters post since his voice was not fit for a news broadcaster. He was also told that with his obnoxiously long name, he would never be famous. He is Amitabh Bachchan.
-------------------------------------------
In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition for the executives of the Decca Recording Company. The executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians,one executive said, "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out." The group was called The Beatles.
--------------------------------------------
In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modeling Agency told modeling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, "You'd better learn secretarial work or else get married". She went on and became Marilyn Monroe.
----------------------------------------------
In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired a singer after one performance. He told him, "You ain't goin' nowhere son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck". He went on to become Elvis Presley.
-- - --------------------------------------------
A small boy--the fifth amongst seven siblings of a poor father, was selling newspapers in a small village to earn his living. He was not exceptionally smart at school but was fascinated by religion and rockets. The first rocket he built crashed. A missile that he built crashed multiple times and he was made a butt of ridicule. He is the person to have scripted the Space Odyssey of India single-handedly. He is Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam. President of India.
-------------------------------------------
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, it did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers. After making a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said, "That's an amazing invention, but who would ever want to see one of them?"
-------------------------------------------
When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process".
-------------------------------------------
In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest inthe country. They all turned him down. In 1947, after 7 long years of rejections, he finally got a tiny company in Rochester, NY, the Haloid Company, to purchase the rights to his invention--an electrostatic paper-copying process. Haloid became Xerox Corporation.
------------------------------------------
A little girl--the 20th of 22 children, was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old,she contracted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a paralyzed left leg. At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on and began to walk without it. By 13 she had developed a rhythmic walk, which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every race she entered, she came in last. Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running. One day she actually won a race. And then another. From then on she won every race she entered. Eventually this little girl-- Wilma Rudolph, went on to win three Olympic gold medals.
----------------------------------------
A schoolteacher scolded a boy for not paying attention to his mathematics and for not being able to solve simple problems. She told him that you would not become anybody in life. The boy was Albert Einstein
Need proof? Read on...
Officials rejected a candidate for a news broadcasters post since his voice was not fit for a news broadcaster. He was also told that with his obnoxiously long name, he would never be famous. He is Amitabh Bachchan.
-------------------------------------------
In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition for the executives of the Decca Recording Company. The executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians,one executive said, "We don't like their sound. Groups of guitars are on the way out." The group was called The Beatles.
--------------------------------------------
In 1944, Emmeline Snively, director of the Blue Book Modeling Agency told modeling hopeful Norma Jean Baker, "You'd better learn secretarial work or else get married". She went on and became Marilyn Monroe.
----------------------------------------------
In 1954, Jimmy Denny, manager of the Grand Ole Opry, fired a singer after one performance. He told him, "You ain't goin' nowhere son. You ought to go back to drivin' a truck". He went on to become Elvis Presley.
-- - --------------------------------------------
A small boy--the fifth amongst seven siblings of a poor father, was selling newspapers in a small village to earn his living. He was not exceptionally smart at school but was fascinated by religion and rockets. The first rocket he built crashed. A missile that he built crashed multiple times and he was made a butt of ridicule. He is the person to have scripted the Space Odyssey of India single-handedly. He is Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam. President of India.
-------------------------------------------
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone in 1876, it did not ring off the hook with calls from potential backers. After making a demonstration call, President Rutherford Hayes said, "That's an amazing invention, but who would ever want to see one of them?"
-------------------------------------------
When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process".
-------------------------------------------
In the 1940s, another young inventor named Chester Carlson took his idea to 20 corporations, including some of the biggest inthe country. They all turned him down. In 1947, after 7 long years of rejections, he finally got a tiny company in Rochester, NY, the Haloid Company, to purchase the rights to his invention--an electrostatic paper-copying process. Haloid became Xerox Corporation.
------------------------------------------
A little girl--the 20th of 22 children, was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old,she contracted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a paralyzed left leg. At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on and began to walk without it. By 13 she had developed a rhythmic walk, which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every race she entered, she came in last. Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running. One day she actually won a race. And then another. From then on she won every race she entered. Eventually this little girl-- Wilma Rudolph, went on to win three Olympic gold medals.
----------------------------------------
A schoolteacher scolded a boy for not paying attention to his mathematics and for not being able to solve simple problems. She told him that you would not become anybody in life. The boy was Albert Einstein
Empathy
A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about Nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he Felt a tug on his overalls.
He looked down into the Eyes of a little boy.
Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies." "Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money." The boy dropped his head for a moment.
Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?" "Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle,"Here,Dolly!" he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.
As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this One noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up.... "I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would." With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.
In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself To a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need Someone who understands."
The world is full of people who need someone who understands.
He looked down into the Eyes of a little boy.
Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies." "Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money." The boy dropped his head for a moment.
Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?" "Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle,"Here,Dolly!" he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.
As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this One noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up.... "I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would." With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.
In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself To a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need Someone who understands."
The world is full of people who need someone who understands.
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